Who is the Best?

Yes, Joyi once told me there is an impromptu speech to be done in Human Comm. I was petrified in class because Sir actually refreshed my memory. Actually I don't feel anything wrong with it because I believe no matter how difficult the task is, you will still get it done in the end. It all depends whether you do it successfully or otherwise.

But the other day was different. I began to worry about the speech. It looked more like a motivation class rather than the usual lecture class. Suddenly Sir asked, "Who is the best?". Deep down inside, I knew the answer should be ME. A few of us actually said it out. I almost cried because I felt very stressed. I didn't want to say out my answer. I don't want to make a promise to anyone but I break it. Self-motivational books I have read a lot. Motivation camps and seminars I have been to many. The problem is inside me. I still don't own the courage to be bold enough to hold to my own beliefs.

Sometimes I like to stay quiet in class because I'm afraid of getting the wrong answers. There are times someone else have spoken my answers and they get the compliments. Who doesn't enjoy compliments? Sometimes I'd be brave, unfortunately, my answers are wrong. And I started to think a lot about why I can't live up to someone's expectations. But most of all, what I fear most is the way how someone judges me based on my feedback.

In an informal conversation with friends, I always lie to myself. Just because I don't want any bad consequences or circumstances, I conform with other people's thoughts even I have my own way of seeing it. I would rather be dumb or shallow-minded rather than to debate with someone else. Daddy taught me to be humble and talk when you're supposed to, listen when you're supposed to. And I also believe that we don't have to let the whole world knows what we know because it all doesn't really matter. What matters the most is whether we, ourselves truly understand it or we're just pretending to understand.

In class, I can tell many of us, excluding me, are very competitive. Not only they are good in academics but also in sports. And what makes me feel small is that I'm one year elder then the rest but I seem nothing. I never get to be the best but always come in second place. Even if I'm the best, I'm always sharing the position with someone else. Why can't it be only me?

As for the impromptu speech, I will probably go with the flow and must have a positive mind set. Meanwhile I shall just see what's in store for the up-coming lectures related to public speaking. Even if I won't be scoring for the speech, at least I have do my best. I don't think I will ever regret.


Signed off,
PANG YUEN CHENG (QUEENIE)

The Man.

Luckily I came just on time. The movie rolled in.

The record played College Road Trip staring Raven-Symoné and Martin Lawrence, just to name a few. The title speaks for itself as this movie is about the path to take to further one's studies. But to me, it's the other way round. I think it tells more about daughter and father.

I was pretty surprised to see Lucas Grabeel at the intro of the movie, but he holds such a teeny-weeny role in the movie. The laughters that roared in the class described it all because there are countless scenes especially those with the Greenhuts who keep singing and screaming. What striked me most, it actually made us, okay maybe only me, cried.

I'm well-known for my thousand litres of tears. I get touched easily. Or I can say, every little things that happen around me can easily make me feel emotional. First, I held back those tears. Then, it flowed. Next, it was beyond control. Finally, I cried silently.

College Road Trip very much relates to me and Daddy. It reminds me the day I left for National Service and also the day I arrived home, sound and safe. Then, I remember those 14 days how much I missed Daddy especially. Looking back at my own life, I cannot even remember the last time I sincerely say those three words to Daddy. Of course I tell him I love him, occasionally. Say, Father's Day? But deep inside, I know I just say it but not truly mean it. Daddy is a very cool man, as in cold and really flexible father who gives you enough freedom.

I hate the fact Daddy doesn't want to get me a car because he fears about safety. Everyone else around my age gets a car. Plus, I'm out of my probation period.
I hate the fact Daddy always makes Mummy waits for my door. I have my own keys.
I hate the fact Daddy takes the TV all by himself on weekends. At least, we both enjoy Asian Food Channel.
I hate the fact Daddy loses his temper easily. I'm just like him.
I hate the fact I talk to Grandpa more than Daddy ._.

I was browsing through My Pictures folder and I found none of the pictures are taken with Daddy. =(

Daddy, I always love you.

So Sir said this movie has something to do with our up-coming impromptu presentation. But I couldn't figure out a single thing related to it. I wonder what it is. =D *curious* And there's this one quote I like very much from the movie.

If they don't want you, it is their loss. =)

Signed off,
PANG YUEN CHENG (QUEENIE)

Who Wins?

Let me ask.

Majority wins or minority wins?

CASE STUDY 1: A criminal is accused of murdering a young lady. Two neighbors saw the incident and they are called upon to be the witnesses. In the court, during the hearing, ...


Criminal: Sir, I would like to ask. Majority wins or minority wins?
Prosecutor: Majority wins, of course.
Criminal: Well, you have two people witnessed the incident. But there are thousands of people who did not see me murdering.



CASE STUDY 2: Ron was traveling on road with his brother. Suddenly, Ron saw a cow crossing the road and he shouted at his brother, "COWWWW!!!!". His brother braked the pedal at once, while Ron pulled up the hand break. Unfortunately, it was too late. The car behind of theirs banged into Ron's car. So was it Ron's fault or the driver behind?

I would say it was the driver behind. This is because the driver behind must be driving really close to Ron's car or else, he won't crashed into Ron's car. =P

Were you thinking that it was the cow's fault?
Just imagine having the cow in the court.

"Moooooo...."


Signed off,
PANG YUEN CHENG (QUEENIE)

Dreamworks

Dream works, it is. But not the animation studio.

What is your biggest dream?

A typical, common, simple and direct question. But what say you?

I could still remember the first week of Human Comm class vividly. Sir paired us up to get to know each other and I was assigned to be with Joelah. A very interesting girl with strong determination and confidence. Our conversation involves everything around us from family to friends and to future plans. A few minutes passed and we were called upon to introduce your partner to the whole class. The funny thing was everyone else had a piece of paper of their partners' details except for us. Despite not having Joelah in class anymore, I enjoyed talking to her and am glad to know her. Maybe I should thanks Mr Murali for the golden opportunity. Thanks Sir! ;D

After that, the introduction class continued with getting-to-know-Sir-better. So, Sir asked us to question him rather than self-introduction. Many questions were enquired but there was one which gave me a lot of impact.

What is your biggest dream?

And so, Sir's answer was to own a mansion on the cliff facing the sea. (if I'm not wrong)

Later, I started to wonder what would my answer be. I would be a loser if I find no answers to it. Personally, I think everyone's dream differs and it doesn't matter if it's easy, hard or impossible to be achieved. It's all about satisfying one individual's needs and wants. I seeked for a long time and I finally got one.

And my biggest dream is to travel across the world. Why? Because I want to explore? Because I want to know how does it feel on the other side of the planet? Because I want to know what is good and bad about other places? My dream may sounds common, however it is not easy. I believe the simplest thing can be the hardest thing. It requires commitments, determination and of course the special one to work it together with you.

Eventually, it becomes a habit of mine. I begin asking everyone around me what is their biggest dream. Some just told me they never thought of that. Some fooled around saying want to be like so and so.

One said he wants to be famous and rich. Unfortunately, I was disappointed as our dreams don't click together. Worse, he has no ideas why he wants that. Due to that reason, I feel that two persons are not meant to be together just because their dreams are different. It is silly but I believe one can always changes their own dreams just to satisfy the other halves that they love very much. But I think that is not sincere and truthful anymore.


So what is yours?


Signed off,
PANG YUEN CHENG (QUEENIE)

INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION: Your Eyes Tell the Truth.

It is believed that our eyes can betray us when we tell lies. I have watched a few Hong Kong dramas where in between they mentioned about how the movement of our eyes is able to reveal the truth or lie behind our stories. And I googled it up.

Up and to the Left
Means: Visually Constructed Images (Vc)
When you asked someone to imagine a purple buffalo, this would be the direction their eyes moved in while thinking about the question as they "Visually Constructed" a purple buffalo in their mind.

Up and to the Right
Means: Visually Remembered Images (Vr)
If you asked someone what colour was their first house was, this would be the direction their eyes moved in while thinking about the question as they "Visually Remembered" the color of their childhood home.

To the Left
Means: Auditory Constructed (Ac)
Question someone to try and create the highest sound of the pitch possible in your head, this would be the direction their eyes moved in while thinking about the question as they "Auditorily Constructed" this this sound that they have never heard of.

To the Right
Means: Auditory Remembered (Ar)
Request someone to remember what their mother's voice sounds like, this would be the direction their eyes moved in while thinking about the question as they "Auditorily Remembered " this sound.

Down and to the Left
Means: Feeling / Kinesthetic (F)
Say you want someone to recall the smell of a campfire, this would be the direction their eyes moved in while thinking about the question as they used recalled a smell, feeling, or taste.

Down and To the Right
Means: Internal Dialog (Ai)
This is the direction when they talk to themselves.

Try asking yourself.

• What did you have for breakfast yesterday?
• Remember the smell from your mother's cooking?
• Imagine your best friend singing.
• What colour was your first school bag?

Source: Eye Movement and Lying

Signed off,
PANG YUEN CHENG (QUEENIE)

Do You Even Know You At All?

Week 7 will probably be the busiest week ever since I started Semester 3. From presentation to mid term preparations, I have missed out two blog posts last week. Hence, I have four blog posts to be done this week. However, I am unsure of which topic I should blog about as there is no lessons commence within this week. Worse, sometimes I realised my team mates are not blogging regarding the topic we learnt during the particular week. I thought I might as well come up with my own topic.


Lately, I started to relearn about myself.

I DON'T KNOW
That is the worst answer given by anyone.
But I realised that is my answer for now.
"Hello. My name is I Don't Know. I don't know what I want. I don't know everything."

You may be my best friend, parents, pet, toys, diary or even boyfriend, well if I have one. But you may not know or don't want to know that I have decidophobia, which means fear of making decisions. It all started since years ago not until recently I realised how serious it has became.

I could be so indecisive that I do not use the traditional way by flipping a coin. Instead, I created my own style. I will look at the time. If the time at the moment ends with an odd number, it means just do it. If it ends with an even number, it means don't do it.

No promises. No warranty. Not realiable. But it helps me to decide when I'm in a dilemma. From picking what to wear to whether should I say it or not, I will always look at the digital time. From now onwards, I will not, NEVER depend on the time anymore. I must have more confidence in myself to decide which path to take and not just gamble with my life.


Signed off,
PANG YUEN CHENG (QUEENIE)

INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION: 10 oh-so-bored Facts.

It has become a habit to gather with my high school friends at least once every weekend. These are the only times where we cherish the most because these area also the only times we get to catch up with each other. We will talk about everything about oursevels and keep each other updated among ourselves. Recently, friends claimed that when we talk, I tend to hold back about certain issues regarding myself. For example, I would only tell 80% of the story, instread of telling out the whole story.

There are reasons why I refuse to explain everything in a full-length. Firstly, it's because I fear that they might not be interested and secondly, I don't know if it bothers them telling them everything about myself. Last but not least, I'd still prefer to maintain some privacy with me.

But now, I would like to share 10 oh-so-bored Facts you might don't even know about me.

1. The last three digit in my cell phone number stands for my birthday.
2. I sucked my left thumb until the age of 8.
3. I love hot Milo that burns my tongue.
4. I talk to my grandpa more than my father.
5. Every morning, I snooze my alarm clock at least once.
6. Boys scream over goals during a football match, but I scream over hot footballers.
7. There are 28.9% of fats in my body.
8. My biggest phobia is Ornithoscelidaphobia, fear of dinosaurs.
9. Guys who wear nice shoes turn me head over heels.
10. My favourite childhood toy was Lego.

Does this help in self-disclosure? I hope yes. Guess I must learn not only to take from others, but to give as well.

Signed off,

PANG YUEN CHENG (QUEENIE)

NON-VERBAL LANGUAGE: What Would Your First Word For Me Be? Part 2

And this creates a sequel to this story. *click*

Sometimes when I least expect to see him, I would get the chance. I remembered that I triple-checked as I couldn't believe my eyes that he came back. I pretended that I didn't realize his existence however he spotted me. He turned and nodded as a greeting or gesture. I replied with a nod but was too genuinely nervous that I forgot to smile. When I reached home, he asked if I saw him smiling because he thought I ignored him. I explained I saw but not that smile he gave me and I nodded to his gesture, too. I was startled that a single nod can create so many misunderstandings.

The second time occurred when I was rushing into a room to get a seat. Suddenly I heard a knock on the see-through glass next to me. I turned and there he was. He smiled and waved hi. I mouthed hi and waved back. Because we were blocked by the see-through glass, all we could do was to communicate through hand signals. Then, I asked using my hands why he was there. He told me he needed to settle somethings. Nevertheless, we both felt it was difficult to carry on the conversation and continued with our own tasks. Cliche but so true. We were so close, yet so far.

Despite meeting him for countless times. I never know how does his voice sound like. Not even when he's speaking to others as he passes me because he speaks so softly. Yes, he says hi everytime he sees me. But I'm unsure if he just mouthed the word or the crowd roars overcome his tiny voice. Due to time constraint, I doubt if I would ever get to have a face-to-face conversation with him. I no longer want to figure out his non-verbal language puzzle anymore.

Don't be cold towards me. T_T

Signed off,
PANG YUEN CHENG (QUEENIE)

NON-VERBAL LANGUAGE: What Would Your First Word For Me Be? Part 1

Sam and I was wandering aimlessly along the corridor. I never like a new beginning because I have to get used to it all over again. Sometimes I'm very tired and scared of this cycle. We were both talking and suddenly I spotted him. We both exchanged stares. Three seconds. I turned away.

That was how it all began. Those stares keep me looking forward to start another day. It has slowly became a rhythm where I would definitely bump into him on Thursdays. Eventually, we recognized each other by stares, attires and actions but not voices. For 14 weeks, there weren't even greetings or gestures from neither one of us. No introductions but those three-second-stares. No smiles but those three-second-stares which held a lot of hidden meanings.

Every Thursday night, I would try to figure out what did those stares from him would have meant? I guess it would either be "interested" or "not interested" in me. But I think the answer will probably be not interested. I didn't know a thing about him, not even his name. By height, he's tall. By size, he has a leaned body. By dressing, he could afford international brands. By actions, he's modest, laid back, shy, quiet and down-to-earth. By looks, I believe he has a great personality.

In the end, I gathered my courage just to add him on Facebook. I was too simple-minded but friends thought we were progressing sell and it marked a good starting point. On Facebook, we exchanged interests and the likes but have nothing in common. Opposite attracts, eh? All these short messages summed up to 59 of them in less than a month. Unfortunately, he ended it all because my last message ended with "take care". He must has assumed I would never want or need his replies anymore. Sometimes there are things which could hardly be explained in words. I tried my very best to insert as many smileys and emoticons to make me sound friendly and cheerful. Even his messages do not contain a single smiley, I know that doesn't mean he is not happy. Maybe not happy, at least neutral.

Please feed me with your messages. =(


Signed off,
PANG YUEN CHENG (QUEENIE)

LISTENING : You've Changed.

"If you are a talker, take a break and spend your day listening. Only talk when you have to."


That was what I did a few days ago. As usual, I woke up without the presence of my sister because her classes start earlier than mine. Therefore, I would only get to see her after noon or later in the evening when we both arrive home from school. That is the only time before we get busy with our own works at night. Since I have decided to be a listener for the whole day, I gave my sis a chance to spill out whatever she had or wanted to say.

She began with a minor drama with her best friend all the way until her problems in her studies. She claimed that she never had a perfect friend who could satisfy her 24/7, when she always tolerates with everyone around her. Apart from that, she also shared about her crush towards the hottest guy in school. While I was listening, many words popped up into my mind but I knew that I was supposed to listen, not talk. She almost let out her tears during all these explanations.

Even though I did not mention anything about myself, she could tell what was on my mind. My sister guided me with her very mature and faultless opinions to help solve my problems. I never knew that she needed a crying shoulder so badly. And I never knew that she was this full-grown because normally, I am the one who speaks the most. I felt a little agitated because I have underestimated her all this while. Perhaps this is because she is four years younger. Nevertheless, she pointed out a lot of my negative habits, such as being indecisive and unwillingly to accept others' opinions with an opened-mind.

By the end of the day, I took some time to realise that I always have someone by my side. Last but not least, I would like to wish her a Happy Sweet 15 and I will always treasure her.

Signed off,
PANG YUEN CHENG ( QUEENIE)

LISTENING: How Does It Feel?

The shampoo formed on my palm while my imagination ran wild through my past experiences. And I only had 40 minutes left before I stood right in front of all friends.

It all happened at the Leadership Camp about two months ago. On the last night, Mr Joel randomly picked three of us - Davka, Niraj and I to present a brief speech about past experiences. By the time came, my mind was still emptied with a specific topic. The three of us were called out of the hall and Niraj was assigned to be the first presenter, came Davka and lastly, me.

Niraj started to talk about his happiest moment when his father bought him tickets to watch the semi-final FIFA World Cup in Germany a few years back then. Unfortunately, when he was talking the rest of the crowd was not paying attention. Everyone was busy talking, even the ones I least expected him or her to be so rude to Niraj. Due to time constraint, Niraj couldn't manage to finish his speech on his saddest moment that had ever happened.

Davka stepped up confidently, determined to change the behaviour of the audience. She began about her journey all the way from Mongolia till Malaysia. It was exciting traveling from so far though there were times when she missed her family. The audience remained noisy, some unseated and distracting Davka's attention. Many little funny mischievous things happened it between. Obviously, Davka felt a little humiliated and angry. This must have been planned earlier by the other lecturers, I thought.

Finally, Mr Joel stepped forward together with Niraj and Davka. Mr Joel explained to everyone on the floor about the importance of listening and paying our respects to the speaker. Everyone was all ears. It has definitely taught each of us a lesson or two. Davka confessed about her feelings towards the ways her friends treated her when she wanted to share her priceless experience and Niraj felt the same, too. After that, it was my turn.

Since I wasn't given any specific topic so I randomly spoke about the misconceptions that people have on me. Surprisingly, everyone paid full attention. It really touched my heart knowing that a person's attention could make such a big difference in myself. Overall, I was glad that I was given a chance to say out things that had always been at the back of my mind. Thank you, Mr Joel. =)

PS: I'm still wondering what would have Niraj talk about his saddest moment. =(


Sign-ed off,
PANG YUEN CHENG (QUEENIE)

LANGUAGE: Does Your Name Sound Funny?

Some find it unique; some find it hard to pronounce, but my name is Queenie. As far as I'm concerned, I was named after a kinda-hearted young lady in a classical movie. My aunt gave it to Daddy, who wanted to name me Debbie. After a while, Debbie was eliminated because it sounds almost similar to "Daddy". I have friends who called Harrison, whom we made it short to Harry (hairy) and Brian which we made it into Bra. It all gets very funny.

I even have plans on what to name my kids in the future. Some people may wonder why would a parent give funny names to their children. For example, Angelina Jolie's adopted son is called Maddox, which sounds like mad dogs to me. Meanwhile, Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter is called as Apple. Below are a few Asian names which bring both obvious and hidden meanings. Warning: This post may be a little offensive but they are all for laughters purpose.

Darriah (a popular Indian name) – Not everyone knows the spelling and pronounciation of diarrhea, but it sounds like that!

Hardick (a Hindi name) – Do not spilt the name into two. Anyway, the owner of the name will be attracting a lot of women.

Dough – It's either you want the child to sound cute as a doughnut or fats from the doughnut.

Dick – Tell me about it.

Pinky – Sounds like a trying-to-act-dumb girl to me, but I don't see we have Greeny, Blueny or Yellowy. So why Pinky?

Fanny – A euphemism for butt?

Phyllis – Congratulations Phyllis, you’re Syphilis free.

Jesus – Imagine when you are tired of your son's little tantrums and you go, "Jesus! Jesus, stop that!". Do not blame God.

Harry – It’s terrible when you have hairless legs and are called Harry.

Sukhdeep (popular Punjabi name) – Let your imagination runs wild when you spilt the name in two.

And the list goes on...

Keep It Short and Simple.

When naming your kids, think precisely of how a baby’s name should be - meaningful for the baby and the parents, simple in pronunciation and spelling. Keep in mind that your child will grow up eventually to an adult. Your daughter may sounds cute with Twinky at the age of 2 but the society will be laughing off their heads when she shows her business card with her name printed on it. Give a name that your child will be proud off.

Thought of a name?

Finally, you have one meaningful name for your child! Double check the name through internet or ask opinions from friends and family. Make sure it has no weird meanings in other languages or even belong to infamous celebrities. Before I end my post, I would like to share a joke about three young men.

Three young men from China -Bu, Chu and Fu flew to America to look for jobs. Nevertheless, to be an American citizen they have to change their names into English names. Bu decided to be named as Buck, while Chu wanted Chuck. As for Fu, he decided to go back to China.

I apologize for any conflicts along the post. But most of all, I love my name very much because my Nie (Queenie) sounds like hoNEY. =) What about yours?

Source: Funny Asian Names

Sign-ed off,
PANG YUEN CHENG (QUEENIE)

LANGUAGE: How Does Language Trick People?

What does life-is-good mean to you?

Well, in my opinion, life is great when there are plenty of things to learn in life because I don't have much talents but I am very proud because I learn most of the things on my own. Anyway, here comes the fun part. If you are born with incredible skills, for example mathematical or musical skills, you can't teach people how to do that. However, if you were bad at the beginning and master it later on, you can guide people on how to do that because you have experienced it yourself. Today, I would like to share a trick on how to influence someone to do your favours by giving them choices.

First, we have to understand: 'Output' of our brains must be logically linked to the 'Input'. For examples,

1. If I ask you in English, "What is your name, Miss?" (input), your answer will probably be, "I am Queenie" (output). Nevertheless, if I ask you in English, "What is your name Sir?", it's illogical to answer in Malay, "Nama saya George Bush."

2. If someone asks you, "What is your name?", you can't reply, "I love roti canai." This is because the output doesn't link with the input.

Ever wonder why an insurance agent can meet you up even you don't really want to as you know he will be selling something to you? This is because they never ask you, "Are you free for dinner tonight?". If they do, your answer can be either, "Yes, so you can steal my money." or "No, I need to do my laundry tonight." and so on... Powerful salesmen ask, "Are we having dinner tonight or tomorrow night?". Now your answer has to be logically linked to the question, unless you are really not free on both nights. Most of the time, you would pick the better answer which is tomorrow night.

You can try this trick on other people!

Situation 1: While ordering Char Kuay Teow, ...

Boss: How many eggs do you want? 1 or 2?

You don't even want an egg.

Situation 2: At a boutique, ...

Sales girl: Ma'am, would you like to pay by cash or credit card?

You don't even plan to buy.

The "choices" you propose is very vital. We give them choices where we both want. They pick either one, they fall into our trap. Instead of giving them both what we want, we can give them A or B where A is what you want while B is an extremely stupid choice to be chosen. For examples,

1. Your friend asking you to hang out with them: Come on! Are we friends or not?

Actually there's nothing to do with friends or not, you can always choose to go home.

2. Your boyfriend: Do you want me to watch Batman or Lord of the Rings?

Actually he just wants to make sure you don't say High School Musical.

3. God: Do you want to go to heaven or hell?

Actually, ....

Even if you don't want to use the trick, knowing it prevents you from falling into other people's trap. The next time when someone uses this trick on you, look at them and point, "Don't use that trick on me!". =D

Source: AhYap's Blog

Sign-ed off,
PANG YUEN CHENG (QUEENIE)

PERCEPTIONS: What You See is What You Get.

Recently, I have read a few articles regarding perceptions and would like to share it here.

These are statements the people who said them are convinced they're true.

Top 3 All-Time Stupid Quotes.

#3. The earth is the center of the universe.
Ptolemy, The Great Egyptian Astronomer, in the Second Century.

#2. Nothing of importance happened today.
Written by King George III on 4 July 1776. (American Independence Day).

#1. Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Charles H. Duell, US Commissioner of Patents, in 1899.


The following anecdote is adapted from Reader's Digest contributed by Dan P. Greyling is a good example of perception shift.

A friend of mine, returning to South Africa from a long stay in Europe, found herself with some time to spare at Heathrow Airport. She bought herself a cup of coffee and a small packet of biscuits. She was reading at her morning paper when she became aware a man was helping himself to her biscuits. She did not want to make a drama, so she leaned across and took one biscuit herself. By the time they were down to the last biscuit in the packet, she was very angry but still could not bring herself to say naything Then the young man broke the last biscuit into two, pushed half across to her, ate the other half and left. Some time later, she opened her handbag and was confronted by her packet of biscuits. She had been eating his.


The past two weeks have been the longest weeks for me, juggling with the new timetable. Many people may have not known how I felt and underwent everything from misconceptions and misunderstandings. There are many things that are needed to be taken into considerations when I plan my new college timetable. People around were giving me a very hard time. Anyway, if that is what they want to think of me, be it. What matters most is I am determined with what I need and want.

We should not be quick to judge, label or form rigid opinions of others, or ourselves.


Signed off,
PANG YUEN CHENG (QUEENIE)

COMMUNICATIONS: The Deepest Need of the Human Heart

Many people have left out the most important key to communication, which is listening. It is the deepest need of the human heart to be understood. Everyone wants to be respected and valued for who they are. Someone who is unique, one-of-a-kind individual.

To understand someone you must listen to them. Surprise! Most of us do not know how to listen. Here are five poor listening skills:

• Spacing out.
• Pretend listening.
• Selective listening.
• Word listening.
• Self-centered listening.

Spacing out is when someone talks to us but we ignore them because our mind is wandering off in another place. They may have something important to say but we are caught up in our thoughts.

Pretend listening happens all time. We pretend to listen but we are not paying much attention. We start making comments, such as 'yeah', 'uh-huh', 'cool', etc. Eventually, the speaker will get the hint and will feel he/she is not important.

Selective listening occurs where we take certain parts of the conversation that interest us. For example, your friend tells you about his talented brother in the army. All you hear is the word 'army' and say, "Oh yeah, the army! I've been thinking a lot about it lately".

Word listening means we only listen to the words, not the body language, feelings, or the true meaning. Your friend might ask you, "What do you think of him?". You might reply, "I think he's pretty cool". However, if you had been more sensitive, what she was really saying, "Do you think he likes me?". You will seldom be in touch with deeper emotions of people's hearts.

Self-centered listening is where we see everything from our personal point of view. Instead of being in another's shoes, we want them to stand in ours, like "Oh, I understand how you feel". But we don't really know exactly how does it feel.

What is Genuine Listening?

First, listen with your eyes, heart and ears. For example, notice the word that is emphasize in a sentence.

I didn't say you had an attitude problem.
I didn't say you had an attitude problem.
I didn't say you had an attitude problem.

Second, stand in their shoes. Before you can walk in another's shoes, you must first remove your own.

Third, practice mirroring. Mirroring is not judging and advising, but repeating meaning by using your own words with a warm and caring feelings.

Ask yourself, 'Which of the five poor listening styles do I have the biggest problem with?'. Try to go one day without doing it. ;D


Signed off,
PANG YUEN CHENG (QUEENIE)