COMMUNICATIONS: The Deepest Need of the Human Heart

Many people have left out the most important key to communication, which is listening. It is the deepest need of the human heart to be understood. Everyone wants to be respected and valued for who they are. Someone who is unique, one-of-a-kind individual.

To understand someone you must listen to them. Surprise! Most of us do not know how to listen. Here are five poor listening skills:

• Spacing out.
• Pretend listening.
• Selective listening.
• Word listening.
• Self-centered listening.

Spacing out is when someone talks to us but we ignore them because our mind is wandering off in another place. They may have something important to say but we are caught up in our thoughts.

Pretend listening happens all time. We pretend to listen but we are not paying much attention. We start making comments, such as 'yeah', 'uh-huh', 'cool', etc. Eventually, the speaker will get the hint and will feel he/she is not important.

Selective listening occurs where we take certain parts of the conversation that interest us. For example, your friend tells you about his talented brother in the army. All you hear is the word 'army' and say, "Oh yeah, the army! I've been thinking a lot about it lately".

Word listening means we only listen to the words, not the body language, feelings, or the true meaning. Your friend might ask you, "What do you think of him?". You might reply, "I think he's pretty cool". However, if you had been more sensitive, what she was really saying, "Do you think he likes me?". You will seldom be in touch with deeper emotions of people's hearts.

Self-centered listening is where we see everything from our personal point of view. Instead of being in another's shoes, we want them to stand in ours, like "Oh, I understand how you feel". But we don't really know exactly how does it feel.

What is Genuine Listening?

First, listen with your eyes, heart and ears. For example, notice the word that is emphasize in a sentence.

I didn't say you had an attitude problem.
I didn't say you had an attitude problem.
I didn't say you had an attitude problem.

Second, stand in their shoes. Before you can walk in another's shoes, you must first remove your own.

Third, practice mirroring. Mirroring is not judging and advising, but repeating meaning by using your own words with a warm and caring feelings.

Ask yourself, 'Which of the five poor listening styles do I have the biggest problem with?'. Try to go one day without doing it. ;D


Signed off,
PANG YUEN CHENG (QUEENIE)